Life as a “modern woman” in this Nigeria can be incredibly exhausting.

From people assuming you don’t know what you want, to deciding you’re proud or “too independent,” it never really ends. Sometimes they even say being a modern woman is a lie, a facade. As if wanting sense and autonomy automatically means you’re forming.

There is deep-rooted misogyny in almost everyone. Even in some women, and sometimes that part hurts the most.

A woman cannot just exist quietly. She must always adjust.

Smile more.

Talk softer.

Don’t sound too sure of yourself.

Don’t sit like that.

Don’t laugh too loud.

You say you don’t eat something because you’re allergic and someone will ask, “What if your husband likes it?”

So what if he likes it? He can cook it.

But the moment you say that, you’ve committed a crime. Suddenly you’re disrespectful. You don’t know how to keep a home. You’re too forward.

All because you chose yourself in one small moment.

A successful female business owner will open a shop, run her business daily, show proof of work, and still be asked where she got the money from.

Meanwhile a man can suddenly start driving a new car and nobody will ask questions. His success is normal. Hers must have a backstory.

A woman attends a wedding and is just sitting peacefully, pressing her phone.

Next thing:

“So when are we coming for your own?”

“You’re not getting younger o.”

“What’s the plan?”

Sometimes misogyny in Nigeria is not loud. It’s not always shouting or aggression.

It’s in the small comments.

The “advice.”

The side-eyes.

The subtle corrections.

And the truth is, it’s not just about the so-called modern woman. It’s our mothers, our sisters, our aunties. It’s in our homes, our streets, our group chats.

It’s deeply rooted in how we were raised and what we were taught a woman should be.

In Nigeria, a woman is allowed to exist, but only within certain barriers.

Once she steps outside them, even slightly, the world starts to adjust her back.

It’s just one of those Nigerian things we don’t always talk about, but almost every woman feels.

The polite misogyny in Nigeria

The polite misogyny in Nigeria