Should I tell you one thing? you shouldn't get high. Because when you're high you tend to feel things more than you probably wouldn't, if you weren't high.

I briefly rummaged my thoughts this morning on the difference. 

This morning i revisited the same conversation and there was a difference in how I felt. What i worried and felt uncertain about, beneath the highness, felt relaxed and peaceful in the morning with truth and clarity smiling in my head. So much that I promised myself that I wouldn't empty those chilled Hero bottles inside me again.

Last night I had a colleague come over. He is a guy who likes to talk and I give it to him he's an entertainer. So I simply listened to his gossips and chipped in a few words when he stopped to catch his breath.

But something struck me while he delved into the private lives of colleagues, people who had confided in him not knowing that in his mouth there are valves that leaks. This guy went on about gossips, secrets things I don't need to know, that I'm actually not grateful to know, all sprayed out before me like it wouldn't hurt my colleagues so much to learn that there secrets are being kicked about in the open by this guy.

Immediately i wondered how many other people this same guy must have told about me.

So after he left i began ransacking my brain. To remember everything I must have said to him either passively or intentionally. I worried about the ones i could not remember. I also worried about the things he might have found taunting about me, like material things that i don't have. I imagine him cradling it like a hot coal, long enough to spray it across other colleagues of mine when I'm not around, just to gain some  level good will.

You know some colleagues enjoy listening to gossips about another, and this guy thought that telling them things about others is his currency to their good will.

Perhaps it's working for him. And you know, the thing is that some people in the office gossips too much and I don't know why. I wonder why people, in their wisdom thinks that the best way to gain goodwill from someone is by tarnishing the image of another person, or by ridiculing them. Will these kind of people feel miserable if they spent time worrying about themselves instead of talking about others?  I think I need a manual on how best to avoid these kinds of people, because they're as dangerous as they're foolish.

Anyway back to what I was saying in the beginning. This morning after I woke up from from worrying about my colleagues gossip and imagining it was me, i had a clearer feeling about my worries. I mean, why does it really matter that much what he might have said about me to other people. I'm sure he must have had a reputation by now, and his gossiping must have felt familiar by others after listening to him disect even people who seem like his close friends into pieces. So why would he spare anyone with his poison, if even his "loved" ones are not spared.

Clarity came in the morning and also peace of mind. It is important indeed to keep the mind sound, to be able to filter the many things that need filtering around us .