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Years ago, I was going to visit a male friend.

On my way, I bought a bunch of bananas and some groundnuts for him.

When I got to his house and gave them to him, he appreciated me. But I never knew he took that simple act so seriously.

To me, it was just a normal thing. It wasn't a big deal at all. You shouldn't go to visit someone for the first time empty-handed.

I never knew that buying something as little as banana and groundnut for someone will create a good impression of me.

Days later, anytime we talked, he would still bring up the bananas and groundnuts and thank me again. 😅

He mentioned it so many times that I even started feeling embarrassed.

I kept wondering,

"Why is this man making ordinary bananas and groundnuts sound like I bought him a brand-new car?" 😂

Then he told me something I have never forgotten.

He said no lady had ever bought him anything before, not even something worth ₦100.

That statement stayed with me.

As time went on, I started seeing many posts on Facebook where men shared similar experiences.

Many complained that even their girlfriends had never bought them a gift.

Not on their birthdays.

Not on Valentine's Day.

Not even on a random day.

They've never received anything monetary from their girlfriends.

Some said their girlfriends would collect transport fare to visit them, arrive empty-handed, then still expect money before going back home.

They would expect birthday gifts, Valentine's gifts, upkeep money, monthly allowance, money for hair, wigs, skincare, clothes, data, recharge cards, and many other things.

Yet, they had never bought their boyfriend even a ₦100 recharge card.

Reading those stories made me understand why that friend appreciated my ordinary bananas and groundnuts so much.

For most men, it is not even about the price.

It is the thought behind it. It is knowing that someone also thinks about you.

I honestly don't understand how someone can be in a relationship for months, expecting the man to spend hundreds of thousands or even millions on her, yet she has never willingly spent even a little on him.

You will always hear them (such women) say love is shown through giving.

My question is...

Is the giving supposed to come only from the man?

Because I honestly don't understand.

Those ladies too are quick to call some men stingy.

But it seems we also have many stingy women these days.

They also say if a man doesn't spend on you, then he doesn't love you. He has someone he's spending on.

Okay.

What do we then say about a woman who never spends on her man?

Does she still love him?

Or does that rule apply only to men?

They also convinced themselves that men don't value women who spend on them. They will use you and leave you.

Fair enough.

But don't women also use and leave good men who spend on them?

Can only women be victims?

Please let's stop the mentality that men are the only ones to do the spending at all times.

They say men are the providers. Men are the ones to take care of their women. But women shouldn't take care of their men.

Don't even come and tell me "If e reach your turn, spend on him."

Relationships are supposed to be about mutual care.

One person shouldn't carry all the responsibility while the other only receives.

Appreciate your man with the little you can genuinely afford. Let him too feel loved and cared for.

He pays for your hair almost every month.

Have you ever paid for his haircut, even if it's half of the money?

He buys your skincare products.

Have you ever surprised him with even a small bottle of oil perfume?

He sends you ₦5,000 airtime.

Have you ever sent him even ₦200 just because you remembered him?

He keeps calling you.

But you're always flashing him. 😂

Some of you even expect monthly payment or allowance, as per say you're now his staff working for him or what?

Nobody is saying you should take over his responsibilities.

Nobody is saying you should go broke trying to impress him.

The point is simple.

Thoughtfulness goes both ways.

Gifting or spending in your man once in a while will not make you less of a woman.

Little acts of kindness can make someone feel deeply loved and appreciated.

A healthy relationship shouldn't be about finding someone to rescue you from poverty.

It should be about two people choosing each other, caring for each other, supporting each other, and giving according to their ability.

Dear women, we can do better.

Just my two cents.

Before people start dragging me, let me quickly remind you that I have left relationship matters for people who are actually in relationships. 🤣🤣

Do whatever you want with your relationship. After all, you're an adult that shouldn't be told what to do with your life. 🙂

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However, men, am I speaking your mind?

Or should I just mind my business? 😂

Let me hear your thoughts in the comments.

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I'm DeLight, and I'm not a relationship counsellor bikokwa. 😎