By Oluwatobiloba Gideon Oludayomi
I keep running into a certain saying, and it bothers me every time. People say, do not take a woman's words seriously when she is angry. There may be some cultural weight behind that saying, but for those of us who are Christians, that weight does not translate into truth. Scripture does not give any gender a pass on the power of words. Scripture is clear for everybody, man and woman alike.
As a keen observer of conflict, I have noticed something interesting. Most crises do not start with words. But almost every crisis is escalated or resolved by words. The root cause may be something else entirely, disappointment, tiredness, a misunderstanding. But the direction the conflict takes, whether it grows or dies down, is decided by what gets spoken.
Proverbs 18 verse 21 says it plainly. The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love to talk will reap the consequences. Read that again. Scripture did not say the power is in your intention. It did not say the power is in your anger. It said the power is in the tongue, in the words themselves, once they are released.
Here is something I want you to sit with. When you are angry, or tired, or deeply disappointed, your mind can run wild. Thoughts pile up, accusations form, imaginary arguments play out in your head. But sincerely speaking, no matter how intense that thought process feels, it has no power on its own.
The moment you speak it, everything changes. The words leave your mouth and become a force, either a force of life or a force of death, in your home, in your relationship, in the atmosphere around you. This is why the discipline is not about controlling your thoughts alone. It is about controlling what you release from those thoughts.
So when we say a woman should not be taken seriously when she is angry and speaking, we are missing the point entirely. The problem was never about who is speaking. The problem is that words were spoken at all in that state, by anyone, man or woman.
I want to speak plainly to Christian couples, especially those who know they carry strong emotions. When you are angry, and you know you are angry, do not speak. I repeat, When you are angry, and you can feel the anger rising, do not speak. The only solution at that moment is to wait. Wait for the emotion to settle. Wait for clarity to arrive before you open your mouth on the matter that upset you.
James chapter 1 verse 19 gives the same instruction in different words. Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Notice that speaking comes after listening, and anger comes last of all. That is the order wisdom follows, and it is rarely the order we naturally follow.
High emotion is not a licence to speak, it is actually a signal to pause. Anger and hunger are dynamics that create pressure for conversation, but pressure is not the same as readiness. You can feel pressured to speak and still choose to wait, and that waiting is not weakness, it is discipline.
A brother once told me something I have never forgotten. He said nothing that is done out of anger can ever be right, no matter how justified it feels in the moment. I have tested that statement against many situations in my own life, and I have not found an exception yet.
Words are not stones you can simply walk over and forget. Once spoken, they must be addressed. They leave marks, sometimes deep ones, in the people who receive them. That is why Ephesians chapter 4 verse 29 instructs us to let no unwholesome word come out of our mouths, but only what builds others up.
This is not about suppressing how you feel. Feel it fully. Sit with your disappointment, your anger. But let the feeling pass through wisdom before it passes through your lips. Emotion is information, not instruction. It tells you something is wrong, it does not have the authority to tell you what to say.
Next time you notice disappointment or anger building inside you, try this. Say to yourself, I am not ready to speak yet. Give it time. Let clarity come before conversation. This single habit, small as it sounds, has saved more marriages and friendships than most people realize.
Life and death are truly in the tongue. Choose life, especially when you feel least like choosing it.
I would love to know, have you ever spoken something in anger that you deeply regretted afterward. What helped you recover from it. Share your story below, someone reading this needs the reminder today.
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Oluwatobiloba Gideon Oludayomi is a life coach, a practical writer, a scripture addict, and a versatile entrepreneur creating wealth solutions through agriculture, real estate, and enterprise. He is the Convener of Ambassadors for Christ Intercessory Missions, a ministry mandated to raise a 'conscious generation' and new covenant priests who will be a sweet savour unto God and humanity, a place of both spiritual formation and social impact. He is also the Convener of the Dominion Guild Network, an ecosystem of high value individuals, young and determined to becoming an empowered generation. He is the author of "Build It to Last", "I Thought I Married a Wife" (a novel), and "Practical Love".
