By Oluwatobiloba Gideon Oludayomi
Let me say this first so nobody gets me wrong. Every child is a child. I am grateful to God for what He has given me, and I make bold to say that I am fulfilled.
But this peace did not come by accident. It came from something I discovered years ago, and I want to share it with you.
Many of us grew up hearing that a male child carries the family name. A son keeps the legacy alive. Without one, the house is said to fall silent.
I understand where this comes from. It is a belief passed down through generations. But I have learnt to ask a simple question about anything I was handed without explanation. Is it true, or is it just familiar?
What is obvious is rarely the whole story.
In Numbers chapter 27, five sisters stood before Moses. Their father Zelophehad had died with no son. They asked for his inheritance so his name would not vanish. God said they were right, and He gave them the land.
In Job chapter 42 verse 15, after Job's restoration, we are told he gave his daughters an inheritance among their brothers. Notice that the daughters are the ones named in that story.
History says the same thing. Marie Curie built a legacy in science. Her daughter Irène carried that work forward and won her own Nobel Prize in 1935. The name lived on, and so did the work.
A legacy does not survive because a son exists. A legacy survives because something meaningful was built and passed on.
Now let me go beneath the surface. Desperation for a male child is usually not about the child at all. It is a symptom. Underneath it sits a quiet fear. Who will remember me? Who will take care of me when I am old?
That second fear is the one that concerns me most. Too many parents invest in their children with a hidden expectation that the child will one day become their retirement plan.
I am not blaming our fathers and mothers. Many of them did their best with what their generation gave them. Some gave their children what they never had, because watching those children succeed was a consolation for what they missed.
I understand that. But in this generation, we should know better.
A child should not be born with an invisible debt.
Paul said it clearly in 2 Corinthians 12 verse 14. Children should not have to save up for their parents, but parents for their children.
Let us do a simple arithmetic.
Suppose a parent sets aside 50,000 naira every month for 25 years. That is 600,000 naira a year, and 15 million naira in total, even before any growth or investment. We can go with lower figures but the idea is still the same.
Now picture where that money goes in two different homes. In one home, it is spent on nothing in particular, and the parent hopes the children will look after them later. In the other, it becomes school fees, a skill, a small business, a plot of land, or a pension for the parent so the child is never forced into the role of a rescuer.
Same money. Two very different futures.
A parent who plans their own old age gives their child the freedom to succeed without guilt.
Please hear me properly. I am not saying children should ignore their parents. Exodus 20 verse 12 tells us to honour our father and mother. First Timothy 5 verse 8 reminds us to provide for our own.
But honour that is chosen is beautiful. Honour that is demanded becomes a burden. A child who cares for a parent out of love is carrying a gift. A child who does it out of fear of a curse is carrying a chain.
There is something I think we do not say loudly enough. It is an error to struggle from level zero, build something, and then leave your children to start from level zero again.
Your children should not have to repeat your struggle before they can enjoy your success.
If you have built something, give them something to build upon.
If you have gained knowledge, give them knowledge.
If you have opened doors, give them access.
If you have built a name, give them a name they are proud to carry.
Proverbs 13 verse 22 says that a good person leaves an inheritance for their children's children. Notice that it says children, not sons.
So the question was never, "Did I have a son to carry my legacy?"
The real question is, "Did I build anything worth carrying?"
Because if there is no legacy to inherit, having a male child does not magically create one. And if there is a legacy, a daughter can carry it with power. She can carry values, businesses, institutions, traditions, and her father's name, in her own way.
If God gives you sons, glory to God. If God gives you daughters, glory to God. If He gives you both, double glory.
Build the legacy first. Then let every child you are blessed with, male or female, have something meaningful to carry forward.
This is my own way of saying HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY. May you be free from chains that looks elegant. Amen
I would love to hear from you. Did you grow up feeling the pressure of the male child expectation? Have you seen a daughter carry her father's legacy well? And what is the one thing you are building right now that you want your children to inherit? Share your thoughts in the comments, and let us learn from one another.
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Oluwatobiloba Gideon Oludayomi is a life coach, a practical writer, and a versatile entrepreneur creating wealth solutions through agriculture, real estate, and enterprise. He is the Convener of the Dominion Guild Network, an ecosystem of high value individuals, young and determined to becoming an empowered generation. He is the author of "Build It to Last", "I Thought I Married a Wife" (a novel), and "Practical Love."
