You start to feel Some friendships only exist when there's a need to be filled. You notice the pattern slowly, they call comes when they need money, a favor, or something that benefits them, but rarely just to check in, ask how you're doing, or simply say hi.
I've experienced this myself, and honestly, its disheartening. Not because helping is a problem. Most of us want to be there for the people we care about but because it starts to feel like the friendship only has one direction. You give, they take, and the balance never shifts.
A few things this pattern reveals:
- The relationship is transactional, even if unintentionally. Contact is tied to need, not connection.
- Silence during good and hard moments becomes normal. You realize they're absent unless they want something and not present when you're struggling or celebrating.
- You start to feel used rather than valued. Even if they don't mean harm, the effect on you is real.
Recognizing this isn't about cutting people off out of bitterness, it's about being honest with yourself about what a friendship actually is versus what you wish it were. Some people genuinely don't realize they're doing this. Others simply won't change no matter how clear you are.
Either way, you're allowed to notice, feel disheartened by it, and decide how much access that person gets to your time and energy going forward.
Have you ever had a friendship like this - one that only reaches out when they need something from you?
