As a Nigerian. I have dated over 30 ladies in Nigeria – Yoruba, Igbo, Efik, Ijaw, Edo, Jos, Urhobo etc… I have tasted them all. And now I’m dating a German lady. The difference is so stark that it changed how I see relationships entirely.

In Nigeria, dating often feels like a poverty alleviation program where petty things like wigs, iphone, beer palour, restaurants, club, lounge, pepper soup, nkwobi, sharwarma, ice cream, chicken & chips, catfish, beach, shi-sha, drinks, condom, prostinor, monthly allowance etc… are the only things that revolve round the dating pool. While in Germany, dating feels like dating.

When I was dating in Nigeria, every “date” followed the same script. I’d take her out, and that meant a restaurant. She had to eat something. If she didn’t, it felt awkward, like I’d failed at being a man.

It wasn’t just about food. It was feeding allowance, transport fare, data, gifts, “small business capital,” sometimes even her family needs. If I couldn’t meet it, I wasn’t serious. If I complained, I was stingy.

I’m not saying every Nigerian girl is like this. Few women work hard and contribute too. But the dominant expectation is clear: the man provides, and provision is proof of love.

Social media made it worse. The “soft life” aesthetic, the posts celebrating men who pay for everything, the phrase “no money, no romance.” It turned dating into a performance. You’re not just building a relationship, you’re maintaining an image.

With her, there’s no script. No unspoken bill I’m expected to settle before we can call it a date.

We go hiking on weekends. We ride bikes through the city. We swim in summer, have picnics in the park, spend hours in the library just reading side by side. Sometimes we cook at home and split the cost. Sometimes she pays. Sometimes I do. Neither of us keeps score.

It’s based on genuine love, empathy, and understanding. We talk about our weeks, our goals, the things that annoy us. The focus is on time together, not what’s being spent.

At first it felt strange. I kept waiting for the moment where I’d have to “prove” something with money. It never came. She doesn’t measure my worth by what I buy her. And I don’t measure hers by how much she allows me to spend.

The reason is simple: economic pressure changes the rules of dating.

In Nigeria, over half the population lives below the poverty line. Jobs are scarce, inflation is high, and there’s no real social safety net. When the state doesn’t provide, people look to personal relationships to fill the gap. A boyfriend becomes a buffer against rent, food, school fees, emergencies.

Studies on young Nigerian women show that transactional relationships are often a strategy for accessing basic needs and opportunities - IT placements, business capital, food for themselves and their siblings. It’s rational. When formal channels are blocked, relationships become a way to get through.

In Germany, that pressure isn’t there. Basic needs are covered. A date doesn’t need to be a meal because missing a meal isn’t a crisis. So dating can be about emotional connection, not utility.

That’s why my dates with my girlfriend are hiking and libraries, not restaurants by default. Not because Germans are “better” at love, but because they don’t have to use relationships to solve poverty.

I used to think the Nigerian way was just “how dating is.” I thought if a girl didn’t expect you to spend, she wasn’t serious. I thought if I wasn’t spending, I wasn’t a good man.

Dating my German girlfriend showed me that’s not true. Love can exist without a financial transaction attached to every interaction. Empathy and understanding can be the currency, not money.

It’s not that money never matters. We still talk about finances, budgets, plans. But it’s a conversation between partners, not a test of worth.

I’m not here to shame anyone. People in Nigeria are doing what they have to do to survive. If a relationship is the only way to get food on the table or pay school fees, of course that’s what you’ll use it for.

But I hope we get to a point where dating doesn’t have to do double duty as a safety net. Where a date can be a walk in the park without someone feeling like they were cheated. Where love isn’t measured by who pays the bill.

I’ve seen both sides now. And I know which one feels more like love to me.

The Nigerian dating pool taught me about resilience and survival. Dating my German girlfriend taught me that love can be soft, simple, and free of transactions.

I want Nigerians to have that too. Not because we need to copy the West, but because love shouldn’t have to pay rent.

I see alot of young men getting broke because they play the role of a husband too early and shoulder responsibilities they have no business with. Who told them it is normal to TAKE CARE of girlfriends? Who told them it is normal to give your girlfriend monthly allowance? When was all these madness normalized? Boys of nowadays seem to have no direction. Is it inferiority complex or what? I belong to the old skool so I might not be updated to the evolving dating rules anymore. 

When it comes to money, you should only assist your girlfriend occasionally NOT all the time. And even at that, assist is willing NOT compulsory, you are NOT her father. Someone tell these young men to be responsible, the only women you should fully take care of are your LEGALLY MARRIED wife, daughter, mother and unmarried sister or female cousins.

Would you like me to write a part 2?