I used to think dating abroad would be liberating. More freedom, more options, less drama. Guess what, I was wrong.

I discovered that being Nigerian abroad is like carrying a “cultural baggage” tag on your forehead. People see you as exotic, interesting… until they realize your standards aren’t negotiable. Suddenly, you’re “too picky,” “too serious,” or “hard to deal with.”

I’ve had men ghost me after I politely asked them to communicate better. I’ve had people flirt with me for weeks, then vanish without explanation. 

I’ve had men dismiss my cultural references, laugh at my accent, or make offhand jokes that cut deeper than they think.

I can’t lie, sometimes I think I’m the problem. I used to be so desperate to fit in, to be liked, to avoid being “difficult,” that I compromised. I settled for the casual attention, the small validation, and wondered why it never felt real.

Dating abroad exposes the raw, ugly parts of human behavior (yours and theirs). It strips away excuses and forces you to confront your standards, your patience, and your ego.

It’s exhausting. But if you survive it without losing yourself, you learn something most people will never understand about love, identity, and self-respect.