Yes. You.

You standing inside that empty flat. Agent saying oga hurry. Another person dey outside. Your heart beating like you are bidding for land in Banana Island.

I know the feeling.

I want you to breathe.

Because once you pay rent in Lagos, life stops asking you questions. Life starts answering you.

You pay today. Reality resumes tomorrow.

You move in feeling proud. You send pictures. New house energy.

Then Lagos clears throat.

First week. Water finishes. Borehole dey but generator no dey. You start pricing buckets like furniture.

Second week. Light bill shocks you. Generator runs like tenant. Fuel now has budget line.

Rain falls one evening. You laugh. Small rain. Next thing your shoe floats. You become environmental scientist overnight.

Night comes. Church rehearsal. Bar testing speakers. Generator choir. Sleep says good night permanently.

Security man greets you well. Very respectful. By midnight gate open. By morning WhatsApp group has story.

Plumbing waits patiently. One day it announces itself. Toilet blocks. Smell spreads. Landlord says plumber dey come. Two weeks later you pay and move on.

Six months later you hear the sentence.

Next renewal na two years. Increase don already write.

You look around the house. You remember the rush. You remember the fear of losing the flat.

You paid fast. Lagos collected slowly.

Let me tell you what I want you to check next time.

Before you transfer.

 • Water. Ask tenants. Not agent. Tenants no dey lie about water.

 • Generator. Ask fuel sharing formula. Some formulas sound like WAEC maths.

 • Flooding. Check gutter height. Ask about last heavy rain. Look for water marks.

 • Noise. Come back after 8pm. Lagos behaves differently at night.

 • Security. Ask when gate locks. Ask who wakes guard.

 • Plumbing. Flush toilet. Run tap. Smell around drains. Pride no pay repair.

 • Meter. Shared meter means shared pain.

 • Road. Walk in at night. If bike refuses, think twice.

 • Rent terms. Read every line. Especially renewal part.

I am not preaching. I have paid my own school fees.

I am telling you so you do not graduate with honors in regret.

In Lagos, house inspection is not about paint.

It is about survival.

I am talking to you now. Future you will thank you quietly.